on motherhood: Bridget Dean

Bridget Dean is a small business owner, a mother of two little ones, a wife and friend. She shares our passion at Hello Mama for community and is truly a friendship generator and cheerleader for local moms and their littles.

Hello Mama: For readers who don’t know you, would you tell us what season of motherhood you’re in right now?

Bridget Dean: Oh gosh that is a tough one to answer because it really feels like it’s constantly changing. Motherhood is such a wild ride and then you add on a partner, friendships, family relations, a small business and the responsibilities of everyday life… it’s a lot!

So let’s call this season “Doing the best I can with the tools I currently have.” So much has changed since I was first pregnant with my oldest son 6 years ago.  From my first pregnancy to learning how to be a parent while raising a newborn, living through a pandemic, first and lasts of milestones, starting daycare, being a stay-at-home mom, welcoming a second child, parenting two toddler boys, buying and solely operating a small business, showing up for my partner, my family, my friends, my responsibilities and also myself... PHEW! It’s a lot. So this current season of motherhood I am truly doing the best I can with the tools I currently have (but always on the lookout for more tools to add!).

Hello Mama: I’ve been listening to Amy Schumer’s Arrival Stories, and the whole book is based on the premise that we all feel like we become or identify ourselves as mothers at our own time, not necessarily the moment we get pregnant or meet our little ones face to face for the first time (although some absolutely do feel fully mothers at this point). Is there a moment for you when you “arrived” at motherhood?

Bridget Dean: This is another hard question to answer because I don’t truly feel like I have “arrived” in the dictionary definition of the word. I suppose motherhood feels more like a series of arrivals within each new phase or step of motherhood. Motherhood for me continues to evolve in what I thought, predicted or hoped it might be so in a more real sense it is more a “becoming” than arrival. 

I truly feel I have continued to evolve as a “mother” from the moment I was born. You know when you’re younger and everyone asks you what you want to be when you grow up? I never had a good answer for that (until Survivor came on TV, then I knew I wanted to be on that show... but alas I never made it on). I digress... I always changed my answer because I never knew what job I wanted, (not really realizing at the time that being a mom is more than a full-time job). 

But one thing I did always know is that I wanted to be a mom. I knew in my soul that I would love to have my own children one day so my favorite jobs always catered to something along those lines like babysitting/nannying, after-school programs, camps, etc. 

When my husband and I got pregnant, I was overwhelmed with excitement, nerves and anticipation. I am a true empath and have always felt things so deeply. This new phase was no different. What surprised me the most about actually delivering my son is that despite the excitement and anticipation of finally meeting him and prediction of how good it might feel, when he arrived, I thought I too would arrive as a mother. But I still didn’t feel like a mother in the way that I thought I would and that was devastating. 

I had assumed motherhood would come “naturally” to me since it was the only thing I ever really wanted. I remember my mom saying to me, “Bridget you have a strong gut instinct, trust that in your decisions” when it comes to mothering. But I was struggling to tap into that confident side of myself again. I went back to work after my first son was born and then the pandemic hit. I had “arrived” at a new phase of motherhood: parenting in a pandemic. The juggle of working full-time at home while taking care of a baby was immensely challenging. Then we found out we were pregnant with our second child. I was full of excitement, nerves and anticipation again. 

The choice to then work as a full-time stay-at-home mom seemed like the best option. I found new sides of myself as a mother in this new phase and was able to become a more evolved version of the mother I was before... and it was challenging beyond belief.  

Fast forward to raising two little ones through a pandemic and realizing that I was losing a huge part of who I am as a woman and independent human in quest of becoming the “best mother.”  Working as a stay-at-home mother was the best and hardest days of my life. I will always be the biggest supporter of anyone who chooses to take that path because for me, it was not the easiest. I realized that I was arriving at a new version of myself that was not really me. I was losing myself amongst the becoming and unbecoming that this part of motherhood had taken me to. 

So when the opportunity came to be the owner of Beyond ABC, it was a new path forward for me. I have always loved working with kids and this was a way to incorporate that back into my life. However, I also knew that through this small business, I could help other mothers also find a small piece of themselves that they may have lost in their own "arrivals" of motherhood. 

What I have learned in my days of being a mother is that my path does not look like others and that is okay. Instead of viewing needing to leave my job as a full-time stay-at-home mom as failure, I am able to now see it as a stepping stone to help me become another version of the mother I want to be. So what I hope to help other mothers remember is that there is an independent human (yes, that’s you!) behind the title of a “mother” who also needs to shine their light. You too can continue to have new “arrivals and becomings” of the mother and human you are and hope to be.

With all the changes, discoveries and hard emotional work I have done in the past several years, I truly feel like I am now becoming the version of a mother that I always wanted to be. I have yet again arrived at motherhood in a way that I didn’t know was possible but am finally feeling like I am arriving “on time” for this new phase of motherhood. 

“So what I hope to help other mothers remember is that there is an independent human (yes, that’s you!) behind the title of a ‘mother’ who also needs to shine their light. You too can continue to have new ‘arrivals and becomings’ of the mother and human you are and hope to be.  ”

Hello Mama: Thing(s) you love most about being a mother?

Bridget Dean: So many things! The newborn snuggles and stretches, the first smiles, the first words, seeing their personality shine... the list could go on and on. But one thing that has been so gorgeous with my boys these days is seeing them laugh and play together. Their bond is something else and to see them naturally gravitate towards each other and seek each other out to laugh and play is just pure happiness to my heart. 

Hello Mama: What things do you worry about most as a mother? And any things that you’ve surrendered to or let go of?

Bridget Dean: I used to worry a lot about all the awful things that could go wrong in any situation. I had terrible intrusive thoughts in my early postpartum days. But a therapist once said, “as much thought and effort as you put into thinking of the worst possible outcome, you also have to put that same amount of effort into thinking about the best possible outcome because truly, how often has your worst case scenario actually happened?” 

That hit home for me and ever since then, I have made it a daily practice to acknowledge the worries but also give the same space (and usually more) for the positives. It has helped change my mindset of comparing my child to others and comparing my motherhood to others. I actively work to stay present and not let comparison steal the joy of what truly is. It’s a daily practice for sure! 

Hello Mama: How do you make time for yourself?

Bridget Dean: I was not good at this in the early days of having babies, but I have realized over the last two years that it is absolutely necessary for me to have my own identity outside of being a mother and that includes having time for myself to walk away from those responsibilities for a while. While being a small business owner has had so many challenges, it has also opened up many opportunities to find myself and make time for myself again. It is a conscious effort to invest in myself every single week so that I can continue to show up for my family, friends and business as well. 

My husband and I have also worked hard to make sure we are spending quality time together too. Parenthood has changed our relationship in so many ways and coming back together to connect is a concerted effort that has been so critical in keeping that bond strong. 

Hello Mama: What makes you feel most like yourself right now?

Bridget Dean: I have found so much peace in yoga, walks outside, coffee with friends and reading books for fun. Tapping into areas of my brain that I haven't used in a while has also helped me feel more like the version of myself I feel best in right now. 

Hello Mama: Do you have a mom crush or someone you look to as an example?

Bridget Dean: Oh goodness, so many! But I’ll limit myself to one for the sake of this blog and that is my ultimate role model of my own mother. I have learned so much about being a mother from her and truly feel like I know her and understand who she is so much better now that I am a mother. She is the most amazing human being and has influenced and guided me in more ways than I can ever explain to her. (If you’re reading this mom, THANK YOU for being you <3).

QUICKFIRE

What do you love doing most right now with your boys?

Discovering new parks, playing board games and slow mornings of family time whenever possible.

Guilty pleasure?

Reading for fun (not academia)

Drink order?

Soy Latte with a little vanilla, please!

In-person or online shopper?

I love the thrill of finding a unique piece while thrift shopping in person. I love grocery shopping in person too. But realistically, I do most of my shopping online for clothes.

You can find Bridget Dean at her business, Beyond ABC in De Pere, a children’s education company where children come to learn, play and thrive! As the only certified PlayWisely Infant and Child Specialist in Wisconsin, Bridget utilizes the PlayWisely method in her child developmental wellness classes for children ages 4 months old through 4 years old. You can follow along with all she is doing (including her amazing events for mothers) at www.beyondabc.co, on Instagram, and on Facebook]

photography credit: Melissa Alderton for the family photos and Grace + Honey for Beyond ABC headshot